Tuesday, 3 April 2007

changinG m00ds of a w0maN @ 25 something

That bundle of old cards (preserved since god knows when) was finally shown the green dustbin. In fact during the last few days, or rather months, many of those material possessions I once termed NOSTALGIA, met the same fate. The street children (who dig at our garbage) must be amused to discover that purple purse, that payal, pair of gloves, an embroidered belt, the box of bangles, a mini chess-board - all in good condition.

Yes, I have been vacating my wardrobe, my suitcase, my shelves, my room, my life..everything of UNNECESSARY items - gifts, cards, letters, photographs, people..the list is endless!

Call it a value for QUALITY over QUANTITY or becoming UNATTACHED by the day... Has anybody actually coined a term for this phase? Me being such a simple, ordinary girl, I am sure I share an universal fraternity in this.

A typical Cancerian to the core, right from the chocolate wrappers to the pages of my school note-book where my friends scribbled things, stamps to songs, my Colosseum publications to my journals that date back to Class V - I would preserve them all. It was blasphemy to throw anything that meant 'memory'.

And look at me today........


Everything is passe..

....becoming an 'alien' to everything I was
..........'everything I was' looks alien to me!

To Yesterdays I show my green-dustbin...

And for Tomorrows I don't care........

Living todays....as if this is my last day alive..

(man i can't even write poetries anymore :(


mrinabh said...

Every writer or rather you can say every artist goes thru a phase of 'mental-block' from time to time. It's after all, not a continuous stream that defines the intermittent flow of creativity in us! :-)

And even I do feel at times that we should not 'treasure' the past. Instead, we should keep it in memories rather than in materialistic belongings that make us too desperate at times of nostalgia. So I appreciate your efforts to 'get over it' all...

Satyakam said...

I dunno what to start with.. But it realy seems surprising to me that u dumped most of your beloved possessions which you passionately preserved all through your thik and thin.. May be now your mood is to get rid of them.. May be you live for today.. But when you become a buri one day, and open your old trunk, to show your embroidered belt to your grandchildren, and voila! it isn't here! You will miss those moments.. May be they might have become a burden now but.. They could have brought you good memories of the past.. Sweet little happy moments.. Let things unthrown be at peace.. They wont harm you.. they are pasttimes for the future.. Hope I am striking the corect chord..

grey-orgasms said...

Both your comments are contradictory, yet equally convincing.

Two ways of looking at it...

Satya was worded the 'Me' that was. I would actually love preserving things. And they were but good memories - all of them. But I also agree with Mrinabh's "we should keep it in memories rather than in materialistic belongings" - I thought its better to give them away so that they find some use somewhere.

Besides, everything in my life is becoming conditioned to 'NEED TO EXIST'! This is 'emptying' by the day - but what I retain are 'the best of everything'.

And in my 25 years I have never really opened my heirloom to anyone...may be I never found any1 interested enough ----- that rips me of any hope that my grandchildren will be amused at my 'memories'!

But one thing I couldn't throw away..the numerous 'proposal love-letters'..most of them are either married or engaged and trust me it's fun to read them now...


Satyakam said...

How many of them have you Got..??

satadru said...

well, i think past is important, but only to learn our mistakes. memories are necessary to make us feel we were attached to something someone someday. letters, diaries, scribbles were written whn somebody loved/admired you.
priorities in life changes, phase to phase time to time, we gotta learn nothin is stationary. cleaning up the closet doesnt help does it. which broom stick cleans the mind,n if it is not possible, things are immaterial. as for me, care about someone who cares about you.Now!
why one or two bad phase bring a black shadow upon ur frends, ur childhood, those mischiefs, those memories. i say, throw wht u wanna forget not those wht u cherish. there's a clear demarcation - love letters mean u were popular in those days.these memories u would love to ruminate in the future. i will be damned if u dont. dnt worry ur grand children would love to read them, i never read my aita's prem patra. but can i join in when u read those to ur kids. atleast i would learn to teach my grand kids how u write one.

Ms Taggart said...

When I first got onto the job of emptying my wardrobe, I could not get the heart to dump so many cherished things, and I left the job incomplete.
Years later, when I visited the same stuff, and when the things they stood for had changed, and when I have changed as a person, I realized, that there is no point in carrying on stuff from past!
If I have not needed it in the past 6 months, I will not need it ever! And that has been the mantra ever since.. with greeting cards, chocolate wrappers, crushes, feelings, clothes, footwear.. everything!

Ann Dee said...

@ Ms Taggart

Yes, I have pretty much adopted that same mantra for life. And tell you, while cleaning up the wardrobes I no more worry about some old love letter, or a dried rose popping out from somewhere. It feels light weight, with all that baggage gone. A nostalgic fool that I was (like most in that age)..