Tuesday, 30 June 2009

One family to next

It was D’s birthday yesterday and the birthday blog was shaping up in my mind since the day I started preparations – bought gifts, ordered for a photocake (inspired by Mama Mia) invited friends over for a surprise party at 12, booked movie tickets.

But now when I sit to share it with my blogger buddies, an inexplicable pain is welling up.... I realize I have not shared it with somebody I have been sharing just everything from stomach aches and heart breaks, to new dresses and broken toe nails, since childhood. Brooding, I also realized D’s birthday is just one of the piles of events and incidents that have affected me in the near past, which I did not bother to tell them the way I used to. Not that they’re altogether unaware. We talk often. But the ‘need’ to download upon them is no more there. It was more of reporting a piece of news than sharing an experience.

Conjoined to D, it feels improbable that I belong to a different family, that I am bonded to somebody else with flesh and blood. Did Maa feel the same when she moved in with my father? I do not have the heart to ask her this. We were a nuclear family and without siblings, they were ALL I ever had before I got married. No emotional involvement has been so strong to wean me away. But today I feel different and this makes me feel so very guilty.

Until recently, my understanding of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ was – all those things I can tell MaPa are ‘right’ and those I cannot, are ‘wrong’. And I do not have the heart to tell them that I am drifting away, unconsciously, and do not know what to do!

Boomer, my son (so I believe) is just a dog, practically. Every time he’s under the rush of his hormones, he acts ‘differently’ and I feel let down. I tell D it hurts to see him get so mad for some wench (‘bitch’ I mean) when I have cleaned his pee and poop, fed him, rushed him to the hospital when he was sick (D was out of station), prayed to God to take away days from my life and give it to him, stayed awake entire nights to feel his heartbeat. And all this in just a year and a half! How would Maa Pa feel when after 27 years I tell them I cannot feel the way I used to feel about them? Not that I do not love or care for them anymore, but the relationship has changed.

It’s killing me.

D confessed to feeling a same sense of alienation from his parents. The question is whether to accept it as a natural phenomenon that happens to all men and women after they're united in matrimony or find true companionship, or to make an attempt to re-correct the equation? Or is it because both D and me have grown up in nuclear families and have not witnessed the attachment children have with parents post marriage that is making it seem so unusual?

13 comments:

v said...

Okay. I take back all my comments about you being dumb. I'm dumbfounded.

Is Boomer doing good?

Ann Dee said...

Dumbfounded at what exactly?

Ye, Boom is doing just fine. It's his mother yelling at his father for leaving his budday tee in the hall...I come home and see it shredded into bits...booooooooo hooooooooo

Scarlett O'Hara said...

Wht!! Boom Boom tore that T-shirt? Sh*t man! The one with black collar? Uff.. why is Boom doing this? I think he needs to stay with his foster Momma for a while, while you take some time off. Here there are no wenches, you see.. and I will kill them all if they dare come near my sonny boy!

And now to the serious issue at hand -
Girl, its not a feeling of alienation. Before you get married, your parents are all you have. You will share everything with them, because its a natural outlet to you. After you meet the special person, he becomes your friend, philosopher and guide, and you talk about everything to him. You share your feelings and talk about everything.
And no human being can talk about the same issue to two different entities on a daily basis with the same excitement. Thats what is happening to you guys..

Parents feel terrible at the thought that their beloved daughter is not the same close to them anymore, my Mom refused to call me for 6 months out of the insecurity that I dont need her anymore. It took a lot on mine and Husband's part to let her understand that its just natural that I am not talking the same time to her anymore.

Key is to still communicate with them, coz though we have a complete new family, we are all they have. And their whole day is made when we call them and tell them about our day, it makes them feel important. Its in our hands to not let them feel the Empty Nest syndrome!

Scarlett O'Hara said...

And V, Boom is still the bestest dog I have seen and met. Dont you go by what Ann Dee has to say. He is growing up to be a man, and its tough for his mothers to see that!
:)

Ann Dee said...

@ Scarlett

Aw I was almost moved into tears reading your comment. Right girl...it's for us to make up. Let me call Ma right now.

Ann Dee said...

@ Scarlett

No it's the off-white tee. There's a problem..Boom tears off D's clothes every time he's alone and his clothes are accessible. Never does it to my things, except for my sandals.

S.O.B. (practically) behaves only at your place.

v said...

Dumbfounded by how much you love Boomer.

PS: As much as I hate to admit it, I have a weakness towards dogs.

Ann Dee said...

Now I'm dumbfounded. I've rarely heard you saying nice things to blondes like me :P

Scarlett O'Hara said...

No.. V is never nice to humans. Its only to his species that he is nice to! :)

Scarlett O'Hara said...

He is an SOB, but he is my baby too, and yours too! Dont call him that! :)

Ann Dee said...

@ Scarlett

Now I know what caused the other fuck up. The feel good factor here made me ignore the feel-bad one there.

I've a new name for him V=villain [his characteristic 'Muhahaha' fits this one so well]

v said...

Thank you, I'm honored!

Ann Dee said...

@ V

More honoring will follow

[if you do not behave]